Let me give you a quick synopsis of Poppy T Perry’s Dead Real and you’ll see what I mean.
Nora wants to tell her horror movie superfan best friend, Ruby, that she is in love with her. Totally, absolutely, completely going to tell her. So what if someone’s written on the toilet wall that Nora’s frigid? Or that her old friends say that all bisexuals are attention seekers? Or that Ruby wants to lose her virginity before they go off to university? Or the town has suddenly been overrun Ned by flesh-eating zombies?
Yes, you read that last line right.
Looks like Nora has no time but the bloody now to tell Ruby of her undying love - before the undead get their teeth into each others’s hearts first…
Like I said, I thought you were going to like the synopsis of this! And I am thrilled to share a tiny extract from you. Now, this is from the first chapter and I choose this little section because it made me howl with laughter! No other reasons. It made me laugh and I thought it would make you guys laugh too.
If you want to know more about this book after reading the extract, check out either Poppy’s website at poppytperry.com, her Instagram (@poppytperrybooks) or you can use this affiliate link to visit uk.bookshop.org!
‘Guess who!’
‘Ruby! What the hell are you doing? Get off me.’ My words come out rasping.
In response, Ruby sits on me.
I shake my head to get my best friend’s hands off my eyes, but she’s strong, and each time I glimpse daylight, they shift and darkness is restored.
‘Wow, every single one of you leaving the art studios looks like something off Night of the Living Dead,’ she says with a laugh. I try again to peel Ruby’s fingers away, but she’s holding tight. ‘What do you expect us to be like after five hours of solid arting? My brain’s so overused it feels like it’s turned to liquid and is trying to seep out my ears.’ I give up and lie flat, resting my head on my hands. ‘OK. What are you doing?’
‘Nothing, just thought I’d come and find you.’
‘And sit on me?’
‘Why not? Lovely day to sit on someone.’ She bounces a little. ‘Oof! Can you please get off me?’
She gets up, her hands still covering my eyes, which is completely no help as I struggle to my feet.
‘Ruby! I’ve just finished the last of three five-hour exam days for my Art A level. Back-to-back! I’m so not in the mood for this.’ ‘OK.’
She moves me round in a circle and lets go. Colours pop and swirl as my eyes attempt to focus on our surroundings. The college quad appears hazy at first, then I can see individual leaves on the trees, the wood grain on the picnic benches and the brickwork making up the mishmash of buildings surrounding them.
A smiling Ruby steps into my line of sight, eyes alight, twisting her pink fringe, and any irritation that prickled my nerves seconds ago disappears.
I could gaze adoringly at Ruby for ever. But surely everyone feels like that about their best friend, right? Especially if the look like Ruby with her pure hazel eyes, smile that lights up every inch of her face, and a sickeningly awesome punk aesthetic.
I was totally punching above my weight in the friend zone the day they put me and Ruby together on a Film Studies project. But from the moment we started talking, our friendship was cemented in a shared passion for cheesy horror, popcorn, feminism, and vegetarian jelly sweets. By the end of the first month sitting next to each other, we’d planned our entire career together.
My exam-addled brain remembers what I saw on the wall before Ruby pounced me. I try to twist round to see, but Ruby’s quick. ‘So, how did your exam piece turn out?’ she asks, pushing her face in close to mine.
All I can see is her.
After a skipped heartbeat at her closeness, I realise what she’s doing.
‘I’ve already seen the graffiti,’ I tell her.
‘Oh,’ she says, stepping aside.
The emotional fist to the gut happens again as I see the words for the second time, sprayed up the side of the science block in massive acid green letters.
The shock of seeing it again blasts away any lingering exam fug, but even with my brain functioning better, all I could muster was a defeated sigh.
‘He IS a dick. And now I’m going home to hide from the world for ever.’
‘I had no idea you had a hole problem too,’ Ruby gasps. ‘I would have been more sensitive.’
‘Guess who!’
‘Ruby! What the hell are you doing? Get off me.’ My words come out rasping.
In response, Ruby sits on me.
I shake my head to get my best friend’s hands off my eyes, but she’s strong, and each time I glimpse daylight, they shift and darkness is restored.
‘Wow, every single one of you leaving the art studios looks like something off Night of the Living Dead,’ she says with a laugh. I try again to peel Ruby’s fingers away, but she’s holding tight. ‘What do you expect us to be like after five hours of solid arting? My brain’s so overused it feels like it’s turned to liquid and is trying to seep out my ears.’ I give up and lie flat, resting my head on my hands. ‘OK. What are you doing?’
‘Nothing, just thought I’d come and find you.’
‘And sit on me?’
‘Why not? Lovely day to sit on someone.’ She bounces a little. ‘Oof! Can you please get off me?’
She gets up, her hands still covering my eyes, which is completely no help as I struggle to my feet.
‘Ruby! I’ve just finished the last of three five-hour exam days for my Art A level. Back-to-back! I’m so not in the mood for this.’ ‘OK.’
She moves me round in a circle and lets go. Colours pop and swirl as my eyes attempt to focus on our surroundings. The college quad appears hazy at first, then I can see individual leaves on the trees, the wood grain on the picnic benches and the brickwork making up the mishmash of buildings surrounding them.
A smiling Ruby steps into my line of sight, eyes alight, twisting her pink fringe, and any irritation that prickled my nerves seconds ago disappears.
I could gaze adoringly at Ruby for ever. But surely everyone feels like that about their best friend, right? Especially if the look like Ruby with her pure hazel eyes, smile that lights up every inch of her face, and a sickeningly awesome punk aesthetic.
I was totally punching above my weight in the friend zone the day they put me and Ruby together on a Film Studies project. But from the moment we started talking, our friendship was cemented in a shared passion for cheesy horror, popcorn, feminism, and vegetarian jelly sweets. By the end of the first month sitting next to each other, we’d planned our entire career together.
My exam-addled brain remembers what I saw on the wall before Ruby pounced me. I try to twist round to see, but Ruby’s quick. ‘So, how did your exam piece turn out?’ she asks, pushing her face in close to mine.
All I can see is her.
After a skipped heartbeat at her closeness, I realise what she’s doing.
‘I’ve already seen the graffiti,’ I tell her.
‘Oh,’ she says, stepping aside.
The emotional fist to the gut happens again as I see the words for the second time, sprayed up the side of the science block in massive acid green letters.
The shock of seeing it again blasts away any lingering exam fug, but even with my brain functioning better, all I could muster was a defeated sigh.
‘Baxter’s a dick,’ says Ruby.
‘He’s a dick with balls, though.’
We move to get a better view.
A bucket and broom sit on the floor under the words and the “D” from “FRIGID” is faded.
‘I mean, he must have broken into college last night to do it,’ she says and links arms with me. ‘That takes massive balls.’
A bucket and broom sit on the floor under the words and the “D” from “FRIGID” is faded.
‘I mean, he must have broken into college last night to do it,’ she says and links arms with me. ‘That takes massive balls.’
‘Oh great, thanks, Rubes. Now we’re discussing the fact Baxter’s a dick with massive balls? That’s kind of what started the whole problem.’
‘I had no idea you had a hole problem too,’ Ruby gasps. ‘I would have been more sensitive.’
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