Saturday, 5 September 2015

Worrying about Failing

Under a month ago, I figured something out. Something that took me so by surprise, I danced around my kitchen.

After 5 or so years, I figured out my blog's voice. I was happy with what I wanted to do with my blog and its future. I wanted reviews of books and exciting guest blogs, chatting about a range of things from books to the big issues. Stuff was happening behind the scenes with my blog and I was excited. My blog was growing up in a way that excited me. 

Only for that feeling to come crashing down a few days later and I felt like I had failed at being a book blogger. I felt like a failure. 

So what happened? What caused this 180? I have no idea. I can't remember what caused me to feel like this and go "Why am I doing this?"

That's why I decided that I wanted to write this blog post. But I decided to wait before I did it, just in case that feeling stayed. 

It didn't, thank goodness! 

But I figured it out. I feel out why, at times, I get myself in an emotional state about, not only my blog but my life in general. 

I worry. I worry that I'm failing. I worry that I'm going to fail. I worry!

I know what you're going to say: everyone worries. And you are right. Everyone worries. But worrying seems to be something I always do. I worry worry worry. Worry I'm not going to have enough to pay rent this month. Worry about not being a good enough son/brother/uncle/partner/friend/etc. Worry about not being a good enough blogger. Worry worry worry! 

That's not good. I can't go round thinking like this. That I'm going to fail, but soon, I will stop trying and, by default, I would fail.

I am not going to make myself feel like a failure before I even try.

So, why am I writing this? Because this is me being more open. By saying i am going to try and stop sweating over the small stuff. Of course, I'm going to worry. But am not going to worry myself into a state.

So, sorry for this bummer of a blog post but I had to get this out of my system. The blog is going to change and I'm going to not worry about it as much as I have in the past (though my NetGalley and TBR piles still grow larger!).

This blog is changing and growing up. Let's not worry about what's round the corner. Let's try and enjoy the moment.

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